Defcon 5

It's Friday. School vacation week is winding down, but things here are winding up. I saw it coming yesterday. K was very agitated. Easily upset. Frustrated over everything. The anxiety was taking over. Taking my girl away.

As much as she isn't a fan of school, she needs that routine. No matter how hard we try, we just can't duplicate it at home. It just doesn't happen. Especially with three other people, with three different schedules, and three different sets of needs. I tried to plan things that K would enjoy. I made sure we alwasy had the iPod and iPad. We had back-up plans. Exit strategies. I was on high alert.

But, none of it really matters. I can't make everything OK. I can't immeidately remove her from every not-so-great sitution. This is reality, and reality is anything but predictable.

I have been browsing this site, lately. It's something that has been mentioned to me a few times, and it's a program we'd like to see used in Katie's educational setting. Is it the answer we've been looking for? Will it be the thing that finally settles my child's world?

I don't know. But I do know it has to be better than what we are all doing now.

A 9 year old shouldn't be depressed.

Filled with anxiety.

Feeling that everything she does is wrong, and that no one likes her.

She shouldn't feel like the world is spinning out of her control.

The future scares me, if we keep going on this path.

We have an IEP meeting next Friday. It's make or break. It's all come down to this one meeting.

I am hoping that when we exit the conference room, we'll be on a path where Defcon 5 is a thing of the past. Where I am not typing from my bedroom because I am "hiding out" with my girl, who can't handle much of anything at the moment.

My kids are my world. I will go to the ends of the earth for them. I wish I could share everything, but, for now, that's just not possible.

I hope that this time next week, I am bringing you some better news.

Fingers crossed.