Friday, September 6, 2013
For My Daughter
I loved you before you were born. A kind of love I didn't know existed. In all my life, before you and B, I never loved anything, or anyone, so completely. So unconditionally. I could pick you out of a crowded room, blindfolded. You are the greatest thing I've done. No college degree, no fancy trip, no high paying job, could compare to the feeling I get when I see your face every morning. You and your brother are my loves.
I want you to know, you are perfect to me. No diagnosis, no behavior, no struggle we encounter, will ever change how I feel. Sometimes, being autistic can make life a little more difficult, but I am right here with you, carrying you through. I will never be angry because of your autism. I will never wish you were someone different. I cannot imagine my life without you. I don't even want to try.
There are times when you get upset. Have a meltdown because things are too loud, or overwhelming. Because people aren't understanding you. Or because your anxiety has bubbled to the surface. I need you to know, I am not angry when you feel that way. I am not angry when you yell. I am not angry when you can't find the words, and your frustration boils over. I am not angry when you lash out. I know it's not purposeful. I know your brain is wired differently, and having to fit into our world all day, everyday, takes it's toll. I don't blame you when things get to be too much. I am here to help you, any way I can.
I also want you to know that you don't have to pretend. You don't have to struggle so hard to fit the stereotype of a "typical child". Feel comfortable just being you, and know I will always back you up, always fight for you, always be your biggest cheerleader, and always protect you.
There are people in the world who aren't so nice. Who bully. Who see your differences as something bad, and will want you to change. I wish people like this didn't exist, but they do. Just remember, these people are wrong. They are not worth your time.
Nothing will ever happen to make me stop loving you. My life is better with you in it, and every day, when I see your sweet face, I am reminded how lucky I am.
I wish that I could promise you an easy life, but no one is promised that. What I will promise is that I will always be someone you can count on, and someone you never have to fear. I accept everything you are, and look forward to following you on this journey. Your dreams belong to you.
Go here to see the letter to my son.