For My Son

Dear B,

I never imagined myself having a boy, and wasn't quite sure what to think when the ultrasound showed, well, you. I knew girls. I understood girls. But a boy? What was I going to do with one? I knew nothing about sports, or trucks, or clothes that didn't come in pink.

But, I didn't need to know about any of those things. Why? Because you have become my teacher. You have led me on this wild, messy, wonderful journey of having a son. You want to learn everything, then share it with me. You have energy I wish I could bottle, and a laugh that can lift me from the deepest despair. I love your tight hugs, and I will continue to kiss you "a million times a day". Your face is just too sweet to resist. But, you already know that.

I know you march to the beat of your own drummer, and some might not appreciate that. I want you to know, that even when I am tired, and don't think I can hear one more fact about sperm whales, or MineCraft, I still love your spirit. I love everything about you. I wouldn't want you to change. Being different is a good thing. It will get you far. You are so smart, and think of things that would never enter my mind. One day, you will make an incredible crane operator/paleontologist.

My hope for you is that you continue to be comfortable in your own skin. You keep that confidence, and don't let others bring you down. That you remember what a great person you are. Those who think differently aren't worthy of your time.

I love you more than there are stars in the sky (and I am sure you will ask me how many stars are in the sky), and I will always be a person you can trust and rely on, even when life throws a bunch of dodgeballs at your head. No matter what, my love for you is unconditional. We have our ups and downs, and sometimes frustration gets the best of you, but just know, it's OK. I know this world can be difficult to navigate for a boy like you, but I will never get angry when you are struggling.

Having Aspergers means your brain is wired differently, but it doesn't mean that you are to blame for difficult times. I will never blame you for my own shortcomings as a parent. I will make mistakes, but I will always try to do better. I will never see you as broken, because you aren't. You are my perfect boy, and I love you to the moon and back, (and, yes, I'll "go ask Siri" how far that is).

Love,

Mom
xxoo

Go here to see the letter to my daughter.